Recently YouTube announced that its entire collection of 18 gazillion videos would be released on DVD. If you don't believe me, come to my home and watch the DVD of YouTube announcing this. Or you can watch this embedded video, whichever.
This changes everything, forever. I mean, why do we even need the Internet anymore? If YouTube emails us all a DVD each month, we can enjoy all the user-generated video hilarity we need without the inconvenience of streaming via our PC, phone, tablet, BluRay, gaming system, Smart TV, dumb TV through our computer, set-top box, robot, WiFi, 3G, 4G, OG, ethernet or brain chip. (Not available on Blackberry.)
For Google, this is all makes sense. They have finally figured out a way to get people to watch YouTube on an actual television. Plus, can Facebook match this? No way! Well, unless Facebook comes up with a phone that blasts robocalls whenever a friend's Spotify CD changes tracks. But that's going to compete directly with a Twitter phone, which only lets you speak for a 140 characters before it hangs up on you. Pinterest, you ask? Ever heard of cork?
Let's face it: Internet technology stinks. It stinks only slightly less than technology journalists. Once YouTube is offline, you will realize you have a job — and actually do it.
Now, you might be wondering, how does YouTube keep receiving video uploads if the Internet gets shut off? Well, in the words of YouTube star Randall, don't be stupid: You mail in your DVD of recent videos to YouTube. Do I have to do everything around here?
The web was a nice experiment, but I think after 21 years it's not clear what it's actual use is, much like Kardashians. Time to subscribe to your newspapers and magazines again. Get your land line back. Mend your cable cord. And most importantly, buy an industrial strength DVD player. Because LOL cats aren't going watch themselves, are they?
P.S. Yes, snarky Internet "Big Bang Theory" enthusiast, I do know April 1 Internet jokes are so 2010.
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